New Year Reflections

Here is the only math I will put in this post. My next post is another matter. To celebrate the New Year Pamela style, I printed out a dodecahedron calendar from RightStart on cardstock for her to cut out and put together. Pamela loves calendars and she can tell you the day of the week you were born given your birthday and year. A cyber friend emailed me to ask Pamela if when she could "recycle" her 2003 calendar because of the repetition of the fourteen different kinds of calendar. In five seconds, Pamela told me 2014. She loved kicking off the first school day of 2011 making her own calendar.

Cutting out this calendar appeared quite complicated and, at first, Pamela looked overwhelmed. Then, I guided her into breaking down the job into smaller steps:

• I picked up my scissors and snipped off one edge. I handed it back to her and she realized that the job becomes less intimidating when you focus on one corner.
• At first, she focused on edges while I snipped out the corners. Once she was comfortable, she cut both edges and corners too. When she felt stuck, she passed it back to me and until we cut out the entire outline.
• The next phase was cutting the solid lines joining two calendar pages. Pamela caught on right away. She cut and I "cleaned up" any sloppy cutting--her fine motor skills still need sharpening.
• Then we took turns folding along the dashed lines.
• Because glue is just not her thing, I glued and taped the insides until the calendar was finished.

This process reminds me of how we have taught Pamela many things that seemed impossible at first. At first, I feel overwhelmed and then I think about what small things can she do to get the ball rolling like I did with having her work on the outer edges of the calendar first. Sometimes, seeing her do some thing small helps me see that she can do more than I expected. Then, I slowly work in something more difficult (like snipping off the corners). Sometimes, she figures out what to do by watching and imitating my actions. Pamela also knows she can turn to me for help when she is stuck, making her more willing to try something new. When an expectation is beyond her reach, I quietly step in and take care of those things (cleaning up sloppy cutting and gluing and taping) without making her feel incompetent for not being able to yet. YET!

Knowing that today's "yet" is tomorrow's milestone keeps me positive as we slowly plod along.

Speaking of milestones, the other day, we had the most delightful little conversation. To give you some perspective, at 10, Pamela had LOTS of words, mainly nouns and phrases, but could not put them together in a sentence because of her aphasia. We had tried autism programs like Teach Me Language off and on, but they were not effective. By 14, not much had changed in being able to put words together so as to make sense! Then, we found the association method, which is for kids with aphasia and other severe language disorders. By 18, she could speak in very short, limited sentences. That's when we stumbled on RDI, which gave her a newfound ability to communicate without words (reading facial expressions and body language, having the desire to communicate, sharing experiences, etc.). Being able to fall back on nonverbals smooths her path to communication when she is having glitches with her verbalization.

Last year, Pamela turned 21 years old. We continue to work on her nonverbal and verbal communication in context, focused on full meaning, without direct prompting, and without constant corrections. Yes, you read that right--WITHOUT. She can relax and trust me that sharing what she thinks is not going to bring out the drill instructor. If she makes herself clear enough for me to understand, then we continue the flow of conversation. I don't worry if she has a grammar glitch or a wrong word or even an invented word. While she is not having a back and forth exchange of ten perfect sentences, she is up to two or three turns when the moment is right. Here is a recent short conversation:

Me: "Pamela, you were right!" (I intentionally left out information to see what she would do with it. It is a way of encouraging her to communicate without prompting.)

Pamela: "Right about what?" (Don't you love that question? She cared enough to ask!)

Me: "Burger King" (She noticed the Burger King sign coming down the other day; I thought they were fixing it.)

Pamela: "Is it closed?"

Me: "Yes!"

Pamela: "Is it moved?" (Earlier in the year, the McDonald's closed for two weeks while they were moving into a new building.)

Me: "No. Burger King didn't build a new building."

It is never too late to try something new. But, it's important to find things that are small and slow and steady. Sometimes, I think LF children have been bombarded with too much and they shut down and give up. Sometimes, we feel overwhelmed by too many things to do and too many decisions to make. Autism is a very complicated thing, and, sometimes, no matter what parents do, the child struggles. We need very slow, gentle learning situations where we all can process and think before interacting. Speaking without thinking, speaking automatically, speaking without ideas and connections and meaning is just talk. Communication is more than words.

Yesterday Pamela asked one simple question that revealed a sophisticated train of thought three steps ahead of us. Even though she doesn't always participate, she pays attention to our conversations. The black car is in the shop, so Steve borrowed the van at work to get home the day he dropped it off. The van has been sitting here since then. Steve left it at the office today and got a ride to the airport for a business trip. He asked me to pick up him on his return later in the week. He also mentioned that he was picking up the black car before the weekend. While he and Pamela were running errands last night, she asked, "Where am I going on ___day?" Steve had no idea what she meant. Then, she added, "Get the black car." Suddenly, Steve realized that he would need me to go to Charleston with him to pick up the car. Pamela had reasoned all that out in her mind, and clearly a great deal of thought went behind her simple question. While she probably lacks the ability to explain her logic, her question is evidence of her ability to reason.

Last Sunday, we saw evidence of more milestones in the making. Her first experience with death was when her great-grandmother died in 2004. It upset her greatly and we weren't allowed to mention the "d" word. Over the years, she started asking questions. Where is her body? Where is her soul? Does her soul have a mouth? Is her body a skeleton? In 2006, my great aunt died and Pamela wasn't ready to face it. We all drove to North Carolina, and Steve dropped David and I off at the funeral and took Pamela somewhere to kill time. In the past year, Pamela has seemed less fearful and asks questions from time to time.

When we learned of Uncle Jerry's terminal illness, we told Pamela about it. She first said, "It's alright. He'll get better." We told her that wasn't going to happen. His body was too sick. She asked, "Pass away?" We confirmed the truth for her. We visited him a couple of times and she never acted fearful around him and interacted with him like she always did. When we told her he had died on Christmas Day, she said, "He's in heaven with Eugenia. What about the babies?" I had no idea what she meant until she started talking about Baby Alive. Pamela wanted to know if she could bring her three babies to North Carolina. And, she did!

When she first asked about going to the funeral, we left it up to her. Aunt Edna had the body cremated and planned a memorial service on his birthday next September. So, all that Pamela would need to experience was visitation with family, friends, and friends of friends at the funeral home plus a short ceremony with military honors. We hoped she would try because it would be the least intimidating way to approach this. Pamela joined us at the funeral home and spent most of the time sitting in a comfortable arm chair, watching everything.

When the Air Force airmen started the flag folding ceremony, I was on the other end of the room. Since Pamela had been fine up to this point, I figured she would be okay. And, she was. I had forgotten this little thing called a gun salute, which happens before the bugler sounds "Taps." I hate to admit it but I jumped at the first shot. Then, I worried about what Pamela would do? Would she notice? It was so loud. How could she not notice? Would she get upset and freak out? I didn't hear a peep until after the second shot. Then, a calm voice asked, "What are they shooting?"

I quietly moved next to Pamela and explained that they soldiers were honoring Uncle Jerry because he was a soldier too. Her serenity surprised me because clearly she knew those were not fireworks. I think Pamela noticed that everyone in the room was standing still and calm. She didn't panic because nobody else was.

So, Pamela has reached another milestone: saying those cute things that kids say in public that make people chuckle. Okay, so she's about twenty years late. Who cares! A milestone is a milestone!

The other new thing is emphasizing her words by spelling it out. "I said 'Now, N-O-W, Now'!" This evening, Pamela and I were at my parents' house. She was tired and wanted to go home. After we ignored her first two requests, she said, "I want to go. G-O, go!" And, as she was saying the letters g and o, she was signing them with her hands using the manual alphabet!

Pamela definitely made her point!

Happy New Year All of Y'all

Leap Year, Starting on Tuesday, Year of the Rat

Sh! Pamela has not quite figured out that the Year of the Rat really begins on February 7. To her, it started last night! This year is a banner year for her because 2008 is a leap year, and Pamela LOVES leap year and plans to include Baby Alive, the fifth member of our family, to join in on the festivities. Between now and February 29, I am going to have to figure out a special way to ring in the leap day.

We found out that Pamela's great, great grandmother in England was born on February 29. Shock registered on her face immediately and she said, "You're kidding me!"

In preparation for the big day (the changing of a new year), Pamela has been making calendars for the past two weeks. Saturday a week ago, we spent a total 2.5 hours in the car for a trip to the health food store. Pamela spent the entire time organizing a calendar to reflect triple interests: years, geography, and the Chinese zodiac. Each page focused on one sign of the zodiac, and, starting in 1963, she included all of the places I have lived! Steve's geographical heritage does not capture interest for he was born and raised in El Salvador.

Year of the Rabbit


Year of the Dragon


Year of the Snake


Year of the Horse


Year of the Sheep


Year of the Monkey


Year of the Rooster


Year of the Dog


Year of the Pig


Year of the Rat


Year of the Ox


Year of the Tiger

Journal in a Box

Pamela started exploring calendars in 2002. All on her own, she figured out how to look up calendars in Wikipedia and Google and learned about the fourteen kinds of calendars: seven leap years and seven common years. One of many things she does in her free time is to write different ways to analyze calendars. Not only that, she remembers the exact date of events that have occurred since she developed this skill. In fact, if you tell her your date of birth, she can tell you the day of the week on which you were born. This is a great way to break the ice with acquaintances! She knows what years go with what calendar type. Then, in her mind, she visually looks up the date just like we would look up the same information visually by going to a website.

As part of a writing co-op class, Pamela kept a journal for two years from September 2003 to July 2005. Back in September of 2007, she wrote her auto-biography in a spiral notebook but ended it on December 31, 2006. I wondered if she would ever write up 2007, and she has launched her account of this year in a very unique way: a journal in a box! She found some untouched, little tablets in my desk and started filling them out page by page. Methodically, she ripped off each completed page and placed them neatly in a plastic, food container.

So far, she has recorded daily entries for the first two months of 2007. Some entries look very similar, and it is amazing how accurately she remembers events by date, such as a trip we took to Wilmington, NC around Valentine's Day. She wrote that we saw a movie on Monday, February 26, 2007. (If you double click, the picture you can read that entry.) The movie was Amazing Grace, which was released on February 23, 2007. I remember seeing it on a Monday because Steve was hoping to take the afternoon off and meet us at the movie theater. She even writes down what days we homeschooled and did not homeschool. I wish I were as accurate in remembering dates at the end of the school year when I write up my homeschooling reports! In fact, I think I better just use her journal as a guide come August of next year . . .

A Snapshot of a Century

Pamela spent some time the other day writing up the calendar sheets to the right (click the picture for an even larger view). About three years ago, she started researching calendars on the Internet and memorized dates visually. She has the fourteen basic calendars memorized: leap years starting on seven different days of the week and common years starting on seven different days of the week. She knows the pattern for leap years, even obscure facts like the beginning of every century (1600, 1700, 1800, 1900, 2000) are not leap years, except for those divisible by 400! Unlike the savants who mathematically calculate calendars, Pamela sees them in her head and accesses the information like you would by turning pages in a book and looking it up. The animals are based on the Chinese astrological signs.

One of my favorite resources for homeschooling is the book, The Way They Learn, by Cynthia Tobias. When I started figuring out all the learning styles in my family, it helped me become a better wife and parent.

Pamela is definitely a concrete-sequential thinker like many autistic people. This picture is a great illustration of the strengths of someone who is concrete (real world, practical, things) and sequential (orderly, structured, plan-oriented) as indicated in this online questionnaire for this model of learning styles.

Organized . . . Perfectionistic . . . Precise . . . Memorize . . . Hard-working . . . Practicing . . . Completing work

Look at what are considered weaknesses for a highly concrete sequential person, which dovetails with what we see in autism:

Working in groups
Discussions that seem to have no specific point
Working in an unorganized environment
Following incomplete or unclear directions
Working with unpredictable people
Dealing with abstract ideas
Demands to "use your imagination"
Questions with no right or wrong answers

'Tis the Season for Calendar Lovers!

As mentioned in an earlier post, Pamela loves calendars, but that is fodder for another day. Her favorite kind of calendar is an advent calendar, a custom her Oma (German for grandmother) brought to the United States.

When I was a girl, these calendars were rarities in America, so my Oma mailed an advent calendar from Germany to us. It had little windows, randomly placed in a Christmas scene, numbered 1 through 24. Starting on December 1, one of us seven children opened a window and discovered a treat, usually a candy, ornament, or trinket. Each calendar had 24 windows because Germans opened their presents on Christmas Eve! My mother always timed it so that I opened the window on my birthday, December 17.

My mother is a quilter, the president of the Heart-in-Hand Quilting Club, which donates handmade quilts raffled by various charities. At last year’s meeting, they drew lots in a gift exchange, and my mother was thrilled to receive a handmade quilted advent calendar. She gave it to Pamela for Christmas!

I filled most pockets with candy and a few with trinkets. Since some calendars we kept in the past had quotes from the Nativity story, I created a file in Word with the entire childhood of Jesus, illustrated and quoted from the NIV version of the Gospel (except the genealogy).

I highly recommend an advent calendar for any child who adores calendars and routines! If you have not bought one yet, try making your own: Crafty Folks and Quick and Easy. If you are craft-impaired like me, here are some fun online, interactive calendars: A to Z’s Home’s Cool, Christian Devotional, Christian Musical, Secular/Educational, and Boola and Kwala.

Calendar Crazy

Pamela found a mistake in the church bulletin, which stated next Sunday, November 13. She muttered, "This is the worst day ever!" Then she marked out the twelve and changed it to thirteen. Steve and I chuckled because all of the offering envelopes in the pew where we normally sit are covered in figures like this picture:


When Pamela was younger, she had no hints of ever developing savant skills. She did not seem to have a flair in math, music, art, or anything. When she was twelve, she became interested in calendars and began researching them on the Internet. She memorized all fourteen kinds of calendars: seven leap years (starting on Sunday, Monday, etc.) and common years (starting on Sunday, Monday, etc.). Then she learned what years go with each kind of calendar. For several years, Pamela has been writing notes like these:


I have about three reams worth of calendar pages like the ones shown here. Pamela wrote all of the pages in today's blog entry last week. Eventually, Pamela branched into learning the Chinese astrological signs too.

Navigating Questions & Answers

I am tailoring Navigating the Social World to guide activities for conversational practice. The focus is on communication and social skills (Section Two), namely basic conversational responses. At home, Pamela is adept at asking and answering questions about her enthusiasms (calendars, The Hoober-Bloob Highway, and Mario and Luigi Superstar Saga). She can ask and answer simple questions already mastered at her present level in personal description stories (see page 14) with people in the family. She needs to work on following up a statement (with either a statement or question).

I want Pamela to leave each session flush with success and joy, so I limit conversations to her interests and sentence structures she can easily do: answer and ask yes-no questions. The first time Pamela and Amy took turns asking each other what states they had visited, "Did you see Alaska?" I noticed that Pamela struggled with following up her answer by asking question. She needed prompting to continue the conversation even though it was a repetition of the same question. Clearly she had difficulties switching roles.

The second time I turned the conversation into a riddle game to simplify the conversation structure. Amy would pick a year, and Pamela would ask questions like "Is it a leap year?" or "Does it start Monday?" until she guessed the year. Then we reversed the tables: Pamela would pick a year and Amy asked her questions. Amy and I both needed a cheat sheet I made in Excel as a crutch. Pamela sees the calendar in her head and needs no crutch. When reading history books, she will often tell us the day of the week an event occurred. Pamela reveled playing a calendar game with another teen, and Amy was amazed at Pamela's savant skill.

The third time we played the riddle game, but focused on the topic of animals. Both Amy and Pamela share an interest in animals. Pamela was highly animated, and her face lit up whenever she or Amy solved the riddle. Clearly, she succeeds at Q/A/Q/A types of conversations in which one person always asks the question and one person always answers it. She has no problem being either the questioner or answerer as long as it is consistent during the conversation. At home, I plan to vary the conversations to get her used to A-Q/A-Q so that the person answering a question continues with a new question.