Conferences are the Science of Relations!

I returned Saturday night from the Charlotte Mason Conference and have decided to live her principles by narrating the conference in a series of blog posts. I cannot think of a better place to start than the science of relations! I spent June 5 and June 6, working behind the scenes as an able-bodied extra hand, and June 7, 8, and 9, enjoying the workshops.

Last year, a professional organization, SoundWord, recorded the plenary and breakout sessions at the conference and sold them for $5-8 per recording. Due to a scheduling conflict, SoundWord could not record this year and ChildLightUSA ended up purchasing recording devices to record the sessions themselves. I can foresee a couple of glitches because this is the first year and a few of the presiders, those responsible for running the equipment could have experienced operator error (I had a couple of nervous moments myself, worrying I might have recorded over something). Assuming most of the recordings went well, the big question is whether to charge for the recordings and, if so, whom to charge. . . After all, the theory goes why attend the conference if you can download the recorded sessions free.

Part of the charm of the conference for me is the science of relations. I think I would go anyway to allow me to connect names with faces, rekindle friendships from previous conferences (Deb L. where were you?), fellowship with kindred spirits, and receive validation from professional educators who see the wisdom of Charlotte Mason's principles. Since I live in a small town and am probably the only one interested in her philosophy, I cannot have a conversation about our educational choices without explaining who Charlotte Mason was, what narration is, what living books are, etc. What a joy to talk real time to people who get it!

I have to share a funny experience. I think we all form mental pictures of people we have never met in real life, but chat with in cyberspace. When I first met Leslie Noelani Laurio last year, I was not surprised one bit: she is of Hawaiian ancestry and I expected long brown, flowing hair. The big surprise for me was meeting Dawn "Excelsior Warriors" Taylor. The term warrior gave me the vision of a Viking queen with long, flowing blonde hair with perhaps a Tolkien elvish aura (stop laughing, Dawn; you know I am not the only one). My vision was shattered, but in a delightful way, and now I know this warrior and her warrior princess daughter find refuge in libraries, knit with wooden needles, supplement their reading of the classics with mysteries (and knitting novels), and crave Bojangles cuisine.

I met too many delightful people to mention them all! I was thrilled to find out my apartment-mate and I had many things in common: she has a background in nutrition and my daughter is on a special diet. Her parents faced World War II in Europe as did my mother and mother-in-law. We both think Theodore Roosevelt was an amazing president (and I think she was slightly envious to learn that I shook President Reagan's hand at my graduation and sang on stage with the Naval Academy Glee Club for him on more than one occasion). She is much better at handicrafts than I am, and I was slightly (okay, VERY) envious at her talent with watercolors. After the nature walk on Friday night, she taught me how to do dry brush, I ended up with a big green blob (due to no fault of hers), and she drew a beautiful picture of a yet-to-be-named flower.

I wish I could have spent more time with Bonnie Buckingham, who presided at my two sessions. She was the person who inspired me to try poetry recitation with Pamela one more time in her session on recitation last year. I really appreciated having her preside because she gave people handouts, which distracted me last year. I included video clips of Pamela reciting and I am sure it touched Bonnie's heart to know she gave me the courage to try again!

Cheri Hedden and I enjoyed meeting parents of challenged children--they gravitated toward us because we are the emerging voices of those who have been through the school of hard knocks with our special kids and hope to help others learn from our experience. (Last year, I was the only parent of an autism spectrum child and, this year, I met two other parents!) I spoke about the issue of selecting therapies for more severely challenged children and she shared her vision of Charlotte Mason's answer to individualized education plans. I presided for this presentation, and I think we make a good team. We even met with other families on AOwithLDKids during the processing sessions.

I am sure some people would bail from the conference next year if they thought they could download the sessions free. If you ask me, I think it would be like living in the shadowlands.

Think Clear. Feel Deep. Bear Fruit Well.

Whenever I work on presentation, I tend to think more clearly and feel more deeply. Ideas come into focus that were not as clear. My feelings are less shallow as my focus sharpens. It seems like I am working on a fruit motif and, right now, the fruit seems to be new ways of looking at life.

David is fourteen- years old, and this is his first year of baseball! How can he be a rookie at such an advanced age, you ask? I did a calculation and, in the past eight years, he suffered a broken arm (two different summers--one required pins!), we moved on four different summers, and the drive to organized anything took thirty minutes during another summer.

I warned David in advance about a couple of things. First, he would not play much because the coach would want to field his more experienced boys. He should expect an inning or two per game because of the league rules. Second, his coach gave me the impression of being driven. He works the boys hard and chews them out when they need it. David does not take to hide chewings easily, so I told him he would have to bear with it. Third, he needs to be honest with his coach about his experience level.

Clearly, David is not the most skilled player on the team. He makes up for it through his diligence. The first parent I met said, "Oh, your David's mom! He is such a hard worker. He's always the first to start running his lap and the first to finish." I was shocked because, before this, we practically had to run with a hot poker behind him to get him to move! Another parent said, "He really hussles on the field." (Uh, are we talking about the same David?) One time, David told me, "I decided to run an extra lap. The coach said, 'You ran the first one for me, but you ran the second one for yourself. Good job.'" It's possible he was talking in a delirious fit of fever.

I have noticed a few things myself. Most boys run their laps inside the fence before and after practice. David runs outside of the fence, so that he does not cut corners. Most slow down as they near the dugout; David presses on to the end. He is also one of the few players who consistently cheers his teammates by name when they are in the field and he is in the dugout. Somehow, he just naturally knows how to be a team player even though this is only the second team on which he as ever played!

Last week, two games crystalized my thinking. On Tuesday, David got his first "hit" in a game ever. The parents cheered him on, in spite of his track record at bat. His teammates encouraged him. The first pitch was a ball as was the second. Then he swung and got a strike. The pitcher wound up and threw a curve ball and whack! David got hit--not a hit, just a good, old wallop on the thigh! The crowd went wild, "Way to take one for the team!" The parents and team cheered as if David had hit a home run. I was puzzled about why people were so supportive because his accomplishments on the field are sparse.

Then, last night, the team lost a game by one point. David was so mad at himself because he struck out twice. I reminded him that only nine players showed up for the game. He has worked hard and showed up for every practice, even on Memorial Day when only five boys came. He showed up for every game, and, if he had skipped this game, the team would not even had a chance to play!

David occasionally grumbles out players who voice their lack of motivation when the team is losing or referring to themselves with the kind of slang that got Don Imus fired. Since he spends so much time in the dugout, he quietly tries to be a positive role model. We discuss factors that explain why some players lack sportsmanship. He is the only homeschooler on the team, so he tends to mix with both the private school and public school kids. It helps him to understand how peer pressure dampens personal initiative.

As I was driving home from a game, I noticed the character signs all over town. Businesses and churches support the schools in education. Every month is dedicated to a particular character trait, and oddly enough this month is good sportsmanship, which is "following all the rules of the game." Public speakers come to the schools to discuss the trait of the month. The newspaper features articles about this program. School websites provide character education links and character pledges to memorize. Now, I am all for character education because something has to be done about the moral vacuum in schools caused by driving the Bible out of public schools.

One of my listmates on Aut-2B-Home pointed out that people see David's character. The funny thing is that I have not taught character explicitly in a well-defined curriculum with core beliefs. Charlotte Mason wrote an entire book about forming character and believed in character could be trained through good habits (page 102):

'Sow an act,' we are told, 'reap a habit.' 'Sow a habit, reap a character.' But we must go a step further back, we must sow the idea or notion which makes the act worth while.

Ultimately, God, the source of these worthwhile ideas, has given them to us in the Word: Jesus and the Bible are the ultimate examples of living books. Then, I suddenly realized that David learned diligence from people like the Ingalls and the Moody families who worked hard to make ends meet. He learned how blessed he is after reading the struggles of two Jewish girls (Rifka and Esther) during war. He knows how kids talk out of ignorance from Tom and Huck and how it can cruelly affect others like Cassie. He has seen how pushing yourself beyond your limits pays off from Theodore Roosevelt and Michael Faraday.

P.S. Last night, David hit a beautiful ground ball, just inside the line to third base and made it to first. The crowd went wild and cheered as if it had been a homer!

Candlewicking, Sweet Bread, Monster Cookies

FOUR DAYS until the Third Annual Charlotte Mason Conference hosted by ChildLight USA!

ChildLight USA requested samples (flat samples only) of the efforts of children learning with a Charlotte Mason philosophy. I submitted two things about Pamela to encourage parents with special needs children: (1) her candlewicking (which was sidetracked due to our move into Glasers' old house) and (2) her cookery (recipes and photos stripped from the video clips).

Children today do many activities under the guise of "arts and crafts" that Charlotte Mason would not classify as a handicraft. I will leave the discerning reader to imagine what that may be. I believe Pamela's efforts represent Charlotte Mason's standards, which are few and are outlined as follows (page 315):


(a) “They should not be employed in making futilities.”
(b) “They should be taught slowly and carefully.”
(c) “Slipshod work should not allowed.”
(d) “The children's work should be kept well within their compass.”

Here are pictures of Pamela's candlewicking, based upon animals she drew herself:



I listed six recipes for almost everything we have cooked to date (I omitted pizza because I never took a picture of the finished product). Being required to meet this deadline will give me the motivation to add missing recipes to the cookery book we are making, tailored to Pamela's diet. Here are two recipes I have not blogged yet:

Pamela’s Sweet Bread
3 eggs
3/4 cup coconut milk
3/4 cup warm water
GF/CF bread mix
1/2 cup sugar
1 packet yeast

Pour the liquid ingredients in the bread machine pan. Put the dry ingredients on top, with the yeast last. Do not stir because the machine will take care of it. Put the pan in the machine. Set the baking cycle for sweet bread and the kind of crust you prefer and peek at the progress through the window to your heart's content.



Pamela's Monster Cookies
1 bag Incredible Chocolate Chunk Mix
1 egg
8 tablespoons coconut milk
1/2 cup chocolate chips
1/2 cup pecans

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Pour the mix into the bowl. Add all wet ingredients into a large bowl and stir. Fold in the chocolate chips and pecans. For monster cookies, use a plastic ice cream scooper. Six cookies fit on a square cookie sheet. A cookie tastes great alamode!



I am doing two presentations this year:

Assessing Therapies for Special Needs Learners from a Charlotte Mason Perspective
Therapies recommended for special needs children can cloud one’s vision of education as “an atmosphere, a discipline, and a life”. The speaker will demonstrate how to translate one autism therapy into Charlotte Mason terminology and accept or reject principles that respect a child’s personhood. The participants will do the same for a speech program for language-delayed children. They will leave the class more confident in selecting the therapies most suited to a Charlotte Mason philosophy. They will leave inspired by Miss Mason’s language arts program, which enabled a person with life-long challenges with language to learn recitation!

Masterly Inactivity—Not Your Average Unschooling!
Those vaguely familiar with Charlotte Mason’s writings often view masterly inactivity as the unschooling part of the day. Masterly inactivity, which flows from our responsibility and authority as parents and educators, colors how we teach children. The speaker will outline what masterly inactivity is and is not, will describe the characteristics of those who apply it, and how it affects play, work, friends, money, opinions, and education. The participants will brainstorm how Miss Mason might apply it to book choices, television, video games, and other aspects of modern life.

Cheri Hedden, listowner of AOwithLDKids, is also presenting on a CM-friendly way to map a road to success for your special needs child's challenges.

A Little Tap on the Shoulder

Yesterday, I was finishing up my presentations and handouts for the conference (the feedback form is still in the hopper). I was carefully studying one of my references, sitting at the table in the homeschool room. Suddenly, I felt a little tap on my shoulder and I looked up--it was Pamela! Before we started RDI, she would have just broadcasted what was on her mind into the air and repeated it, more and more forcefully, until I paid attention to her. Now, she knows to get my attention first and then speak to me when I orient my face to hers.

Bearing Fruit in Due Time

It's much better, I think, to assume that the child is doing his part, and that the seed you have sown will bear fruit in due time.

From a letter written by Annie Sullivan, May 8, 1887.

Last year, I reread the book, The Story of My Life by Helen Keller, a book I devoured in high school. We never had one of those water-pump moments with Pamela, but Anne Sullivan's philosophy of education is so much like Charlotte Mason's that I gained a new appreciation for her genius. Right now, we are sowing little seeds via RDI, and today I saw it bear fruit.

My mother, who lives across the street, has a wonderful garden, blooming with tomatoes, asparagus, roses, persimmons, banana peppers, and four kinds of berries. Pamela loves her Oma's raspberries, and three raspberries were ripe yesterday--the first fruits of the season. Mom handed them to me for Pamela, and I strolled home with three berries in one hand and a bag of stuff in the other. I walked into the house very excited and acting mysteriously. I teased Pamela, "Guess what I have?"

She was very interested and ran to the kitchen to peek in the bag I had left on the counter (a big disappointment, of course). So, I told her, "No, it's in my hand!"

She ran up to me eagerly and I said, "First you have to open your mouth and close your eyes." She had the biggest smile on her face, but she was so eager that she kept peeking. So, I playfully chided her about peeking, and she laughed and smiled.

Then, I said, "Here, you can touch it and try to guess." The moment she did she blurted out, "Raspberries!" and I congratulated her. She closed her eyes and opened her mouth and I fed her the raspberries one at a time. Pamela's smiles were huge during this little episode and she was just delighted.

While this was not a ground-breaking, water-pump moment, the following verse (Luke 2:19) about Mary comes into my mind:

But Mary treasured all these things, pondering them in her heart.

Sneaky Pamela!

I have been flying solo as an RDI lone ranger since March 7. What follows here is a quick recap of what we have been doing, followed by an explanation and clip of Pamela's blossoming emotion sharing. Think of this post as an eleven-week progress report. (Mind you, Pamela is an old lady in the autism world, being twelve years past the magical age of six in which neural plasticity is supposed to vanish.)

I am very impressed with how beautifully Pamela has taken to the RDI lifestyle. I started with one daily activity session and by changing my habits. The first thing that kicked in was paying more attention to our faces. She started having fun with my exaggerated facial expressions. She has grown to enjoy baking with me, too: birthday cake, pancakes, brownies, and bread in bread machine. She is even starting to make requests about what we might bake. In April 2007, we launched the Barbie Kitty Condo Project (a locked box) game, in which she explored novel objects, anticipated future events, referenced my nonverbal communication and declarative statements, lingered to chat, referenced me in uncertain situations, followed my eye gaze, and used her imagination in theorizing about novel objects.

While she is not where she needs to be with episodic memory, she is growing in leaps and bounds in experience sharing! We started to see it emerge at the end of April. In May, I also began experimenting with how to handle Pamela's scripting in a way that keeps the relationship intact. We also work on RDI in the community, having found the self-check out line at Wal-Mart and even the post office great places to practice our RDI habits. We are seeing more incidents of her expressing her emotions while communicating to make a point.

We filmed this first clip of hot potato on March 15, 2007. I am working very hard to encourage her to smile with super exaggerated facial expressions, lots of unexpected sounds, productive uncertainty (when her brother tosses a grape) and heightened stimulation. Her smiles are not a broad and warm as what you will see in a more recent clip.


We filmed the recent clip on May 24, 2007. I do not have to work as hard and many of her smiles come naturally from the enjoyment of the game. We are very excited by this development because games used to bore her. Thanks to RDI, she is learning to enjoy playing games as a way to spend time together and just bask in the moment.


To teach Pamela "Go Fish", we started by playing with open hands (our cards laid out on the table face up). We used a combination of verbal and non-communication during the play of the game ("Do you have a ____________?" is a question she mastered a few years back thanks to the Association Method). Pamela needed to play this way for two weeks before being comfortable playing with a closed hand. When we made that transition, I bought a cardholder to help her manage the cards without assistance.

Give Her the Oscar!

Pamela asked what was for dinner tonight and did not find my answer pleasing. She did not unleash a tantrum, which is her typical modus operandus. Instead of showing raw emotion, she walked up to me and deliberately made a frowny face with wrinkled brows (not the natural look of disgust that spreads across her face when she helps me knead dough). She made this fake, phony face (if you saw it, you would know it was a put-on) and said, "Pamela hates meat. I want hot dogs." It was such a bad acting job, but I loved it because she was trying so hard to convince me with her facial expression.

So, I just had to give her the Oscar . . . Mayer for her performance!

Hello, Kitty!

Last week was a big week for many reasons. (1) Pamela started present tense verbs (ala the association method) and began using the Reading Milestones program to practice syntax (her reading is fine). (2) Pamela finished Level 5 of Making Math Meaningful. (3) Pamela finally met her toy cat from the Barbie Kitty Condo project begun a few weeks back. (4) Pamela started a new locked box game with the goal of referencing my face when uncertain.

Pamela worked on several important skills during the kitty project. She figured out how to put new objects together (sometimes, on her own; sometimes, referencing me for more information). She learned to think about the meaning of each new object and anticipate what might be in the locked box. Often, I let her figure out the answer through my nonverbal communication and declarative statements. She learned to linger longer, come back for more conversation, and control her urge to get on with the next part of our day. She learned to reference my face for information when unusual things happened like when an object was missing from the collection, to anticipate that something would be missing, and to figure out what was missing in advance. She practiced using her imagination in theorizing to what all the objects pointed and concluded correctly that it was a cat about a week before finding the last object.

Some readers have wondered how to set up something like this for boys. One possibility is Legos. Or you could buy videos, books, or DVDs and hide one magnetic letter in the box each day to spell out the title.

Pamela has started a new collection with locked box (a Barbie Table and Kitchen Chairs Playset), and I have two broad goals in mind at present. One is for very unexpected things to happen, each time something different, requiring her to reference me in uncertain situations. So far, the locked box has been empty, puzzle pieces were in the wrong box, I have forgotten under which cup/card/placemat things were hidden, etc. I will be interested to see how she regulates herself and if she continues to turn to me for reassurance. Since Pamela references me so well, I am setting up situations in the game in which she must reference her brother for information. This gives David the opportunity to provide clear non-verbal cues to her and Pamela the chance to learn to reference her younger, but much larger brother.

First Episode of the Barbie Kitty Condo Project
Previous Episode of Barbie Kitty Condo Project

RDI Lifestyle Afternoon

On Friday, Pamela helped me prepare a package for an RDI lifestyle activity. She handed me necessary items (tape and scissors) based upon eye gaze and referencing. She held the box shut while I taped it and she cut the tape. Pamela copied the receiver's address onto these label strips. Then, she wrote our address. She did not remember the numbers for our street address and zip code, so Pamela guessed and referenced my face to see if she guessed the number correctly. Then, she handed me the receiver's address strips, which I applied to the box. She applied the strips for the return address. Then I taped them to the box securely, and Pamela cut the tape for me. At the post office, Pamela handed the package to the postal clerk as well as the money, put dollar bills back in my wallet, and threw the receipt in the trash.

Pamela had requested a party to celebrate a math milestone: she starts Making Math Meaningful, Level 6 on Monday! So, we shopped for food, pizza, ice cream, and cake decorating supplies, going through the self-check out line for more eye gaze and referencing opportunities. At home, she helped me bake the cake, frost it, and decorate it as we did on her birthday. She also learned how to make pizza from scratch (if you count gluten-free, casein-free pizza crust mix as scratch).

I have noticed that, in situations requiring high levels of concentration, Pamela's emerging RDI skills (referencing, following eye gaze, communicating non-verbally, and emotion sharing) diminish. For example, when making a decision about what toy or type of cake decorating material to pick, she gets distracted. When the aisle seems crowded or busier than usual, she is more spacey. The pizza making absorbed her concentration because the process included entirely novel steps: opening cans with a newly purchased electric can opener (gracias, Alan), kneading dough, oiling the pan, rolling out the dough, spreading the sauce, slicing toppings (black olives, palmitos, and sausage) with a knife, and sprinkling them over the pizza.

All told, we probably spent about two solid hours in an RDI mode. I think what I like best about RDI is efficiency. We end up working on socialization at home and in the community as well as self-help skills, plus I have a helper in the kitchen!

Scripters Anonymous

One feature of autism that distinguishes it from a language disorder is echolalia (echoing memorized word patterns either immediately or much later). In the movie, Rainman, Raymond Babbitt rocked and repeated Abbot and Costello's "Who's on First?" skit to calm himself. Echolalia can be much more sophisticated than that. Pamela memorized whole chunks of word patterns and used them when she thought appropriate. For example, when she was five, she had memorized the mournful tone of Baloo in the Jungle Book, "Mowgli, Mowgli, come back!" and repeated it when she was sad and trying to comfort herself. This description fits what we saw:

Echolalia is reflective of how the child processes information. The child with autism processes information as a whole "chunk" without processing the individual words that comprise the utterance. In processing these unanalyzed "chunks" of verbal information, many children with autism also process part of the context in which these words were stated, including sensory and emotional details. Some common element from this original situation is then triggered in the current situation which elicits the child's echolalic utterance.

We first started addressing Pamela's language way back in 1991, when she was two years old. We could not find much information because Pamela was at the beginning of increase in the rate of autism. We had to improvise while we kept on top of emerging research and started Pamela off with sign language. When her echolalia emerged, we opted to mold it and use it, rather than discourage it. For example, Pamela picked up one phrase "It's Sunday" advertising a show aired on that day of the week. Every day, we would use that phrase "It's _______". Then, when she could do that, we would work on negation "It's not _______". After that, we twisted it to, "Yesterday was ________" and "Tomorrow's _______". We eventually transitioned to months and seasons. One little jingle afforded a great deal of mileage. This word pattern started out as a stim and, as such gave us many opportunities to practice new language.

Today, books are dedicated to teaching scripts that help autistic children learn to converse. This still would not have helped Pamela because she has a hard time memorizing scripts unless they are jazzed up for "viewers like you" (*ahem* a new scripted line). We did not figure out until recently that Pamela can memorize poetry with multi-sensory methods and have known for several years that meaningful progress in syntax comes in seven multi-sensory steps! Children who can memorize scripts can also become dependent upon the scripts and unsure of what to do with people who fail to follow the script. Thus, researchers have developed ways to fade scripts.

I am not a fan of the formal teaching of scripts, and I tend to concur with RDI's recommendation to avoid them. Anyone who has been sucked into scriptland knows that sense of helplessness as your sanity evaporates. We have tried a variety of techniques to teach flexibility: laughing at unexpected twists I made in the script, making her own twists, being silly with pauses, changes in pitch, sound effects, etc. Monkeying around with scripts taught Pamela to go with the flow and enjoy surprises.

One of Pamela's issues is that she does not always realize when she confuses people with references to her scripts. She has a couple of patient aunts who play along and that is it! Lately, I have been experimenting with ways to discourage scripting without discouraging Pamela from speaking and interacting with us.

* Ignoring It - Ignoring scripting is the least effective strategy in my experience. When I ignore Pamela, she gets annoyed and will repeat the script prompt followed by "Say it!" In this case, Pamela wagged her finger at me and badgered me. Ignoring her only intensified her nagging.

* Sad Reaction - After she started wagging her finger, I become very quiet, stuck out my poochie lip, and looked down at my feet. Pamela did something splendid. She walked up to me, studied my face, smiled, and said, "Sad." Then, she abruptly transitioned to the locked box.

* Springing off of It - Pamela started a Betty Crocker script, so I declared in off-script sentences, "We're just like Betty Crocker! You could be the Betty Crocker of gluten-free, casein-free." She clasped her hands and giggled with delight at my surprising comment.

* Adapting It - I adapt the script to her task. Pamela said, "You must be 18 or older to order." I ignored her, so she came back to it, "You must . . . I must . . ." She was stirring her batter, so I said, "stir and stir and stir." She laughed and giggled since she likes twisting scripts.

* Distracting Her - Sometimes, I can distract Pamela by gasping and turning my gaze to the next step in whatever we are doing. I have also succeeded by using declarative language to switch topics completely. In this case, I started talking about the need to stir the batter thoroughly until all the dry ingredients to become wet. Later, Pamela was stuck on her, "You must . . . " prompt. We had just added the pecans, so I asked her about her preference on how to say this nut, "Pamela, do you prefer PEE-can or pe-CAHN?" She persisted, so I added, "You must . . . eat . . . PECAAAHHNNNSSS!"

* Saying the Wrong Thing - I often say something wrong to encourage flexibility. She was stuck on the "You must" train, so I said, "Eat spinach." She prompted, "You must be" and I returned, "29!" We have been doing this for years, so she loves when I say the wrong things.

* Reacting to Her Script Twists - Sometimes, she twists her own script as a joke. This time, she said, "You must be 18 to . . ." while reaching for a utensil. She paused and glanced at me to see my reaction when she sneakily added, "die". Pamela is about the happiest person you will ever meet and not morbid about death. I think she was trying to surprise me with something entirely unexpected. I exaggerated my reaction by covering my mouth and said, "Nooooo! We don't want that to happen. You made a joke! That was a joke!" Then she confirmed it by saying, "Only to order!"

Speaking in the Moment!

This week is monumental for Pamela! Last week, we wrapped up our Round-Up preposition stories (page 15) ala the Association Method last week and, on Monday, began present tense verbs! She has struggled with present tense for years (is eat instead of eat and eats), confusing it with present progressive tense (pages 15-16) (is eating). When Pamela was younger, I drilled this syntax ala ABA-style, but ended up frustrated because she needed the methodical, multi-sensory methods applied in the Association Method.

One of the staff members at DuBard recommended the Reading Milestones program as a nice supplement to the Association Method. I won an eBay auction for all ten Level 1 primers and workbooks for half the price of a brand new set ($83 versus $209--quotes include shipping and handling). The problem is that all the sentences are in present tense, not present progressive tense, so I decided to stray from Teaching Language Deficient Children for a spell and introduce present tense first. After all, she has already mastered present tense for sees, has, and wants for singular and plural subjects as well as first, second, and third person subjects. I might as well use the material at hand. Each primer has six stories, so, with ten primers, that equals sixty school days or twelve weeks of material. That will afford plenty of time to work through singular and plural; first, second, and third person; pronouns; etc.

The workbooks are too basic for Pamela because they work on printing and spelling, skills Pamela has had for many years. I decided to snap photographs of the all the pages for a story. I use the images from the workbook to develop my own worksheets in Excel that are more Charlotte Mason friendly and with greater focus on syntax mastered by Pamela. Even better, since I am not consuming the workbooks or primers, I will be able to retrench some of the money invested into these workbooks (thank you, eBay). If I time the sale during the summer when educators are searching for materials, I might do well.

In all, she does four pages a day, tailored to her needs and abilities. This looks like a lot of work, but once I got my format and figured out a consistent way to manipulate images, I spend about as much time preparing as I did before. The first page warms up her brain in practicing the syntax du jour. The next page works on order in storytelling (first, second, and last), another weak spot for her. After that, another page allows her to practice answering questions with syntax she already knows for maintenance. My focus is not purely comprehension, but rather syntax. The last page is pure Charlotte Mason style: copywork (top), written narration (middle), and dictation (bottom).

An Anatomy of Experience Sharing

Analytical to the core, I like to analyze things to go well so that I can replicate success. Last Wednesday's brownie baking session was so chock full of warm emotions that I think a post-mortem is in order. I reviewed the video clips and realized how Pamela needs a "warm-up" to help her share emotions. One thing I did was an unexpected action; too much of this annoys Pamela, but, if done at the right time, catches her interest. In this case, after she handed me the can of baking powder to remove the lid for her, I put it on my head. While I did not make her laugh or smile, I did catch her attention!

Recently, Pamela has learned to enjoy referencing me for information. In this case, I turn my gaze to a tool or ingredient and, because the recipe is in my head, she has to point and check my face to see if she is correct. She finds this process amusing. She enjoys being right like any person, but she does not mind being wrong either because she thinks my "wrong" expressions are funny. Some autistic children do not enjoy referencing, but fortunately it strikes Pamela's funny bone.

Spotlighting a moment in time by referring to the past is part of emotion sharing. In this case, I said, "Open, open, open . . . like opening . . . the door," while she tried to crack the egg. She picked off a piece of shell, so I added, "Sometimes, it helps if you give it a good crack" and I cracked it and gasped when it worked. Then I added, "And, now, open . . . open," modulating my voice, while I handed her the egg to open. She smiled with anticipation. For the first time, she opened an egg without pieces of the shell falling into the bowl. So, I spotlighted this by saying, "Alright! You're getting much better." When she looked at me, I said, "Do you remember the last time when you smashed it? And, this time you opened it" and her face opened into a pretty smile at that memory.

When I was pouring the vanilla into the teaspoon held by Pamela, I built up anticipation by pretending to pour, abruptly pulling up the bottle, and making the sound, "Woop!" She smiled and, when I finally poured the vanilla, her expression brightened even more. Notice how Pamela is glancing at me as she smiles.

Sometimes, my reaction can heighten shared enjoyment. In this case, Pamela was trying to pour the coconut milk into the bowl. Unfortunately, the thick layer of fat on top held up the process until Pamela tipped the can far enough that the milk suddenly whooshed into the bowl with a loud plop! She smiled and looked up at me. I was laughing and covered my mouth with my hands in an exaggerated expression of surprise. She confirmed her desire to laugh by seeing my reaction. The next time we bake with coconut milk, I plan to remind her of what happened the last time to work on episodic memory.

Because Pamela was enjoying this experience so much, she did not get too flustered by an unexpected guest. Steve walked into the room, grabbed a spoon, and tasted the batter. In this picture, Pamela is voicing her opinion (it was not positive). But, she does not show any hints of melting down. She continues spooning batter into the pan.

Steve grew up in a Latin culture in which a kiss on the cheek is part of ordinary greetings with family. He gave her a customary peck and Pamela pauses to turn her cheek, but manages to hang onto the spoon.

Pamela continues spooning and is determined to finish her task. She tells her dad, "That's it! That's it!" stating her desire to get back to work.

Pamela's Pecan Brownies

3/4 cup white rice flour
1/4 cup sorghum flour
1 cup cocoa powder
1 tsp baking powder
1/4 tsp salt
1 tsp vanilla
1 14-oz can coconut milk
2 eggs
2/3 cup pecans (or walnuts)

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Put all dry ingredients in a large bowl (the first five ingredients). Stir until thoroughly mixed. Put all liquids in the bowl. Stir until the dry ingredients are wet. Fold in the pecans. The batter is so good, Pamela's daddy cannot resist a taste! For thin brownies, pour into a 9X13 pan and bake for 25 minutes. For thick brownies, pour into a 8x8 pan and bake longer (for the time, try the toothpick test).

Excuses, Excuses, Excuses

I have been a bit busy between the new RDI stuff plus Steve traveling more than he is home plus an extended family situation needing some TLC plus my seasonal allergies (which I treat with local bee pollen and homeopathic eye drops) plus singing engagements for my trio. Yesterday was so exciting I just have to share.

Pamela and I baked brownies for the church's Mother-Daughter Day Banquet (another gig for the trio). The first time we baked brownies seven weeks ago, I did not film it. But, I remember comparing Pamela's interactions to a video clip at the RDI site about making Jell-O. Even though the teen seemed lower functioning than Pamela is, he and his mother engaged each other so much better than Pamela and I. I felt disappointed by the flatness of our interactions.

I did film Pamela baking on her birthday five weeks ago. We had improved somewhat, but nothing like today. The clip below is 179 seconds in length, and Pamela glanced at my face an average of once every fourteen seconds and smiled once a minute. She was very flat in her emotions and need something dramatic to smile and share that smile. She smiled while cracking an egg, but did not share her happiness with me until a pan crashed or David made a comment about the batter being mud. I had to work very hard to encourage her to reference me. Sometimes, she was awkward.


Compare that to a clip from yesterday. The new clip is 65 seconds long and Pamela references me once every five seconds with less effort from me to attract her attention. She smiled four times in one minute and shared her happiness by looking at my face half the time she smiled. She required less drama to smile! Our interactions have less awkwardness, too.


Tomorrow, I will post the brownie recipe!

Pamela's Pecan Pancakes

Pamela asked to make pancakes today, so I decided to make it an RDI lifestyle activity. I scaffolded by assembling all the ingredients and tools at the table (tools on one side of the bowl and ingredients on the other). Because I do not have a written recipe for pancakes and eye-ball the amount of water, productive uncertainty was built into the process. The last time we cooked together was a month ago, and Pamela is much better at referencing my face for information and following my eye gaze. She has room for improvement in sharing emotions during a task that requires concentration and communicating her intentions to seek my approval. She tends to focus on the objects and not my face when I give her instructions.

Pamela is not the only one who is working on new habits! Even though I am flying solo as a novice at all this, watching myself on digital recordings helps me improve how I communicate and interact with Pamela. I am finding declarative language much easier and found myself explaining, rather than directing. I need to work on hesitating at exciting moments to build up anticipation, which can lead to an emotional exchange. I tend to be a "get on with it" kind of person, so going slowly and hesitating is not in my nature.


Scrumptious! Here is the final recipe, but I still recommend the eye-ball method for how much water to add. I always add molasses and maple syrup to the mix for taste and color. Pancakes just do not brown properly without these ingredients:

Pamela's Pecan Pancakes:
3 cups of pancake mix
2 eggs
1 can of coconut milk
1 tablespoon of blackstrap molasses
1/4 cup of pure maple syrup
~ 1 cup of water
1/2 cup of chopped pecans

Pour the mix into a large bowl. Add the eggs, coconut milk, molasses, and syrup. Stir until the mix is wet. Add half a cup of water and stir. Keep adding water until you have a thick, but not doughy batter. Fold in the pecans. Fry and flip until your heart's content. Makes about eight servings, depending upon the appetite of the diner.

I like to be amused and am easily amused. While I was eating, I read something on the carton of Silk that amused me:

Back in 1995, when we started the GF/CF diet, having such explicit labels on food products were impossible to find unless you shopped at a health food store. Parents had to call food manufacturers and question them like a prosecutor, just to find out if a food really was free of gluten and casein. A decade later, I am finding more and more products, even at Wal-Mart and the local grocery store, with "Gluten-Free" stamped on the label. I guess the manufacturers got tired of fielding our questions!

Emotion Sharing

In his RDI material, Dr. Gutstein makes a distinction between instrumental interactions and experience sharing. As I work with Pamela in an RDI fashion, the difference is finally becoming clear to me. I will try to explain what I understand as a novice in RDI.

While emotions may appear similar, the motive behind them is what makes the difference between the two. In instrumental interactions, one person sees the other person as a means to an end: the person is expecting a specific outcome and, as long as the other person accomplishes the task in question, it does not matter who the other person is. With Pamela, her instrumental interactions tend to be verbal scripting: making sure that the schedule she has in mind is still on track, verbal stimming games, etc. When my sister-in-law visited us last month, my sil picked up Pamela's verbal stimming games very quickly and, to Pamela, it mattered not who was in the stim script, as long as the player knew the right answers and the acceptable ways of introducing novelty. Pamela smiles broadly or fusses loudly depending upon how well we are following the plan she has in mind. She shows genuine excitement and beautiful smiles when we stim back and forth.

Experience sharing is different because there is no end in mind. You interact for the sake of interacting. Each experience is different for you have no script. An experience shared with one person is unique and cannot be duplicated. You cannot reference a previous experience with one person and expect another person to spring off of that. One key aspect of experience sharing begins with the letter e, and that is EMOTION. Both kinds of interactions may have emotions, but the point of one (instrumental interaction) is a specific outcome and the point of the other (experience sharing) is emotion.

One technique that the RDI folks recommend most for novice RDI families is to speak in declarative language. The basic idea is that children will be more receptive to sharing emotions unprompted when you stop bossing them around all the time with imperative language (commands) and interrogative language (questions) and start sharing your own observations in an open-ended way. (This is so much like Charlotte Mason's thoughts on masterly inactivity!) In fact, the RDI site emphasizes declarative language and indirect prompts as a key component of this program:

• Predominant use of declarative communication. Minimal use of interrogatives, directives and other forms of imperative communication.
• Creating frequent periods of "productive uncertainty" to provide the child opportunities for referencing.
• Reliance on indirect prompts whenever possible

One reason why it helps me to tape a few RDI activities every day is that I can see how I am doing in the habit of declarative language. (All too often I am dismayed by how much room I have for improvement.) Today, I was so excited during one activity in which I had hidden a toy in a dark bathroom. As we walked in the bathroom, instead of commanding, "Pamela, turn on the light", I said, "Ooo, we need some light in here." Without a pause, Pamela flipped on the light and I thanked her. It was still too dark for the camera, so I added, "I need some more light, Pamela! That's not enough light." She walked right over to the other light and flipped that switch, too! Had she opted to ignore my request, I would have turned on the lights myself and made another declarative comment like, "Oh, wow! I can see so much better with those bright lights."

Yesterday, Pamela and I shared several experiences that I think qualify as emotion sharing.

* While playing ball, she giggled and smiled for no obvious reason. She was not stimming verbally, the source of many of her beautiful smiles. I smiled back and laughed too, especially when I realized I was not part of a script.

* Sometimes during our ball games, a ball will bounce down the steps just outside our homeschool room. We sit together and hear it go thump, thump, thump down the steps. We have plenty of other balls and continue playing, but whenever that happens, we smile and make declarative comments about the lost ball.

* While we were reading Pamela's speech therapy script for articulation and syntax practice, I inserted a couple of silly words to make sure she is listening: "The moon is under the bed" or "My closet has ice cream and pickles". Yesterday, she turned the tables on me and said two things wrong and then looked at me to see if I would react! We both smiled when I caught her in the act and realized she was trying to pull a fast one one me!

* Her brother David is playing his first season of baseball. Today, Pamela sat through her second game, so this is a novel experience. At one point, a pop fly zoomed high into the air and flew behind the stands, across the road, and into a grass field near someone's house. Pamela laughed and made a comment about it being magic. Whenever balls land in unexpected places, we exchanged glances and laughed.

We are working on one RDI-like activity during the game. Whenever David's team made a run, Pamela and I high-fived each other. I am open to any and all suggestions. Another great RDI activity for us is the self-checkout line at Wal-Mart. I shift my gaze to items in the shopping cart, and Pamela references my face to figure out which one I want her to scan. She scans the item, and I bag it. On big shopping trips, we are getting many chances to communicate non-verbally.

Education is the Formation of Habits

Charlotte Mason believed that habit is the instrument by which parents work, much like the wheel is to the potter. Not only that, habit is the chief instrument of educators: "The formation of habits is education, and Education is the formation of habits" (page 97). Her six-volume series is peppered with ideas about habit training, with the most details found on the following sections:
Volume 1, Parts III, IV
Volume 3, Chapters 10, 11, 12, 13
Volume 5, Part I

Sometimes, reading through the series is like a treasure hunt. Even though most have an index and I can always perform advanced searches for keywords online, I always wonder if I have overlooked a jewel of a thought. Sonya Schafer at Simply Charlotte Mason has put together a wonderful collection of all of Charlotte's writings on habit in one book, appropriately titled Laying down the Rails! She has compiled every habit mentioned by Charlotte and sorted them by category. She leaves room for notes in the margins, outlines the formation of a habit with the example used by Charlotte Mason of shutting the door behind you, and includes a checklist plus inspiring quotes and thoughtful questions for each habit presented.

I have found other resources to be invaluable in habit training: Hints on Childhood Training (an oldie, but goodie) and, for people blessed with strong-willed children in their lives, You Can't Make Me, But I Can Be Persuaded.



Originally, I had planned to outline the training of a habit, but Pamela's self-directed demonstration the habit of orderliness got me sidetracked. Today, when I walked in her room, she was busy sorting all of her Disney charade cards by movie, something she has never done before today. To the left is a close-up of one batch. This is the kind of thing I started seeing more often after I formed my own habits of habit training and masterly inactivity.

Habit is TEN Natures

Back in February, I blogged about Masterly Inactivity, which I plan to cover at the Third Annual Charlotte Mason Conference in June. I am busy drafting my notes and have come across some wonderful quotes about habit training, without which masterly inactivity would yield anarchy. In a nutshell, habits (or law) ensures masterly inactivity (or liberty):

When I first read "perfect obedience" (page 164) back in 1999, my mind slipped into a catatonic state because between a strong-willed, random, wild child and an autistic child, perfect obedience was something I would not see in this lifetime. I completely overlooked those critical words, "they receive a few directions". Initially, I did not grasp the concept of working on ONE habit at a time.

Charlotte Mason believed a child with as few as twenty good habits was off to a great start in life (page 136). A mother harping on her kids with "Do this" and "Do not do that" was the last thing she had in mind, nor was children running roughshod over parental authority. Too much law produces overtaxed children, while too much liberty produces overtaxed mothers.

Charlotte suggested that habit training secures a smooth and easy life for parents. Seven years after incorporating her philosophy of education, I have to agree. Charlotte was spot on when she wrote, "Education in habit favours an easy life."

My kids are teenagers, which I forecasted to be a nightmare because of their challenging behaviors in their early years. They are a delight to us, and their grandparents enjoy their company and wish they could spend more time together. They are not perfect children and not always perfectly obedient in everything, but they have certainly come a long way from the bad, old days when I was often shot dirty looks by shoppers at Wal-Mart for not dealing harshly enough with those bratty kids in need of a pop on the hiney.

Curtains in a Pond?

Yesterday, Pamela found a mouse (pink Barbie mouse) in the locked box game, which fit in nicely with her pond theory. Now, she is totally confused because the box contained curtains today! I cannot wait for her anticipation of what will be in the box tomorrow.

Due to my random streak (I prefer that term over ditziness or lack of organization), we stumbled upon a new opportunity to reference me for information. On Saturday, I had packed away her animal toys and had forgotten to retrieve them for the locked box game. After opening it, we normally discuss the latest theory on what kind of collection have these toys. When Pamela saw her toys were missing yesterday, she started referencing me and I led her to the location using eye gaze, facial expressions, and unexpected sounds. Today, I hid the flamingo on purpose and this variation to the game adds more opportunities to reference.

Final Episode of Barbie Kitty Condo Project
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