Retrospective on South Carolina's Cypress Gardens

We love Cypress Gardens in Moncks Corner, South Carolina. No! It is NOT like the one in Florida with the fancy water shows and thrilling rides, but it suits our family perfectly! Cypress Gardens is much smaller, not showy, less tourista! You can find it on the outskirts of the sleepy little town of Moncks Corner, which also hosts a fantastic seafood restaurant called Gilligan's, an old Charleston favorite which preceded the television show by decades, and a Trappist monastery. In my childhood, we spent a few weeks every summer at Short Stay, a Navy recreation camp on a man-made lake near Moncks Corner.

We first visited this lovely blackwater swamp in June 2004 on our first trip to Manning to see my parents and their new home. That was when the old "church" made out of wood and stucco still stood, a relic of the movie set of The Patriot. (Several movies were filmed here: The Swamp Thing and The Notebook). Anyway, the first time my parents went here my mother exclaimed, "Oh, look at that old Spanish mission!" She started snapping photographs left and right until they past it and realized it was only a facade! Unfortunately, the "church" is no mas for a severe thunderstorm blew it down. All that is left are some pylons sticking out of the water. However, you can find other props from the set like the eight portable cypress tree trunks and the under-swamp bridge for the scenes of horses walking through the swamp (which is next to impossible to do in real life). The other interesting trick was that the film crew lowered the level of water (easily done through a dam that prevents the swamp from drying out every summer) to make the Spanish Mission island bigger.

I was going to launch into a history lesson, but you can find a much better version in this fifteen-minute online video.

David was almost twelve and Pamela fifteen on our first visit. I remember him sighing and reflecting, "I could live here," during the boat ride on the swamp. The water is clean even though it looks black as ink. When the needles fall off the cypress trees, they sink to the bottom and slowly release tannins (used to tan leather, which we studied in The Brendan Voyage and Amos Fortune, Free Man). The bottom of the shallow swamp is black, and that color gets reflected off the surface. Look carefully in the second photo and you will see an alligator gliding in front of us!



The first friend we made was Woody, the wood duck. He lived in the Butterfly House. We were saddened by the news of his death in 2007, marked by this memorial stone. On our most recent visit with my sister-in-law, we were delighted to meet a juvenile wood duck, whose lost his mother when a car ran over her! It will be exciting to see him mature on our next visits!

The Original Woody


Woody the Younger


In July 2007, we took our nephew Antonio (Patty's son) to Cypress Gardens and he loved it, too! Two weeks ago, we met Tammy's high school friend Lisa (and her husband Johnny and baby girl Leilani). Patty and Javier had their chance on Tuesday, but a light shower during the swamp tour prevented me from filming or taking pictures. Below is a video of photographs and film clips of our swamp tours.


We were fortunate to have visited before the crocodiles made their curtain call! The county can no longer afford to keep the crocs in style, so they had to find a new home for them. Johnny enjoyed hanging out with the crocs, which reminded him of his school mascot--not some goon in a suit--a real live crocodile that they kept well-fed. When we brought Patty and Javier, the closed doors to the reptile exhibit saddened me, but I did not shed any crocodile tears . . .

Here are some photobuckets organized by theme!
Butterflies Everywhere!

Flora and Fauna

Topiary Triumph

Monday was a long day for Pamela: after we toured the peach orchard, country store, and packing plant, we stopped at a fascinating topiary garden and Barnes and Nobles before heading home.



In the rural town of Bishopville, home of the Cotton Museum and stop along the cotton trail, is Pearl Fryar's topiary garden, featured in Smithstonian Magazine. A documentary called A Man Named Pearl, due out in December 2008, explores the man behind the garden. It all started in 1984 when he cut up a few bushes around the front door of the first home he ever owned. Then, he formed his street address with plant cuttings. The next thing you know he was filling his yard with trees and bushes cut into abstract shapes. He filled his art with words like love, peace, and goodwill and created metal art with messages like hate hurts, love unity, and faith.

Pearl set his mind on winning Yard of the Month by the local garden club, and he did three times! Winthrop University awarded him with a 2006 Medal in the Arts for his work as a self-taught topiary artist and his impact on his community. Many media outlets and travel websites have featured his topiary garden, so we expect some sort of commercialization at the site. We drove up to the garden surrounding his brick home in a residential neighborhood. There are no signs nor gift shops filled with tacky stuff for sale. The hours are dawn to dusk and, if you are lucky, you will catch him at work and get the chance to chat with Pearl. We were not that lucky! I just love stories like his and enjoy meeting inspiring people.





The photograph below cracked me up! When he was a boy, David loved collecting sticks. Whenever we moved, he would sort through his stick collection and keep the best ones. He even brought a few sticks with him on our last move to South Carolina. I can see that old habits die hard!



Pamela was tuckered out and, even though she wanted to go, she hung in there without any major meltdowns. About two minutes into the video, she worked her way to a little field behind the garden, flung out her hands, and said, "Here I am!" The focus of my video was interacting with Pamela.

Pamela's Babysitting Job

Relationship Development Intervention (RDI) cleared up a mystery I have been thinking through for a long time. Even though Pamela is physically 19 years old, academically doing 5th to 6th grade level work, and speaking at an early elementary level, she still enjoys watching PBS children's programming and Nickelodeon. She plays with stuffed animals, Barbies, and baby dolls. According to our consultant, Pamela's relationship skills are similar to that of a toddler, which gives me permission to stop worrying about her immature play skills. For example, Pamela's tia (aunt) from El Salvador is visiting us and wanted to buy her some books. Pamela chose Eric Carle's The Very Hungry Caterpillar and The Very Busy Spider, which is way below her actual reading level. Since her choice makes sense emotionally, I saw nothing wrong.

Yesterday, her tia wanted to buy a toy for Pamela and I used the opportunity to film how well Pamela does with orienting to me. Shopping at the very noisy Wal-Mart would test her to the maximum between sensory overload and the excitement of picking out a new toy. Pamela and I interacted very nicely, all things considered.


Pamela has two baby dolls now and she thinks our family-size has increased from four to six! She calls herself a "big girl"--too young to be the mother of the babies. So, when she decided to bring the babies on a trip to a peach orchard and topiary garden (to be blogged another day), she thought of her role as the babysitter. Because the weather is hot, she stripped them down to diapers so they would be more comfortable. The oldest one is Baby Alive, but she named the little brother Baby David (after her brother). Even though the new baby came wrapped in a pink robe, she thinks he looks like David when he was a baby.

Patty (Pamela's tia, or aunt) visited us last year for three weeks about a month after we began incorporating RDI into our life. She has noticed many wonderful changes in Pamela. Her face is more expressive, and she tunes into conversations much more. Today, in the car, Patty was trying to teach David to roll his r's and they were practicing saying that troublesome letter. They went through a series of words like carro, perro, and burrito. Patty was trying get David to emphasize the r in burrito and, suddenly and very dramatically, Pamela yelled out, "BURRITO!" She had us all in stitches!

Pamela spends less time pacing, hidden in her room watching television, playing on the computer, or watching television. She transitions to one self-selected entertainment choice to another rather than being stuck in one mode of play for long periods of time. She seeks being around us more than she did in Patty's last visit. Pamela is much more able to have back and forth conversations with Patty. She seems much calmer and more relaxed, less frustrated, and more able to handle change. She talks more spontaneously and less rigidly than last year, too.

A friend of Patty's joined her on this trip to the States, and Pamela has never met him. He said today that they had a little conversation at the book store and he noticed how she imitated his volume. If he spoke loudly, she did; when he whispered, she whispered. Patty noticed how Pamela will whisper to herself quite often, and I had not really paid attention to it. I may need to go reread my posts on the development of private speech.

Here are Pamela and her tia Patty giving kisses to the baby and a wonderful exchange they had in a very loud peach packing plant. I will share footage later when I have time to edit.

Baby Steps in Guiding with Communication

Steve is taking his first steps in guiding Pamela through his altered communication style--the same steps I took last year! Yesterday, we talked to our consultant by phone about how to help Steve get started. He has a tougher job in some ways because Pamela adjusted to my guidance when we first started homeschooling. With Steve, she is used to wielding the awesome, incredible superpowers of Daddy's little girl. One pout . . . and he caves! LOL! For example, last weekend, when we tried to capture their interactions on film, Pamela refused to do anything dynamic with him (I think because she senses this is the beginning of the end of the Queen Bee's reign). They ended up putting together a puzzle of the United States--a very static activity.

We brainstormed an outdoor activity they can do together that is part of Steve's weekend routine. We settled on Pamela donning a swimsuit and helping him wash the cars (I think it is a winner because Pamela asked what we were doing tomorrow; when I told her about the swimsuit and car wash plan, her entire face lit up with excitement). The neat thing about washing cars is that it is ripe for interaction patterns: simultaneously wash up and down or side to side, alternate I spray and you spray, etc. To focus on avoiding the dreaded QPC (questions, prompts, commands) monster, he thought of the perfect phrase for himself, "Give her time!"

Learning to change your communication style is a mental game! You have to think about what you plan to do in advance! Our strategy is:

• Watch an E-Learning module (only available through consultants) on guided participation.
• Figure out a competent role for Steve and a competent role for Pamela that is collaborative, not one person bossing around the other the entire time.
• Watch some interaction pattern clips so he can see three types (assembly line, reciprocating, and simultaneous) and their variations.
• Figure out the interaction patterns he can fall back on when unsure how to proceed.
• Be mindful of having pregnant pauses and hopeful expectant looks while waiting for her to respond.

Pamela and I are working on separate objectives. We have been breaking down gestures, starting off with receptive gestures to tell us that she is listening and understands. She has mastered pointing out what she sees to establish joint attention with me and nodding or shaking her head when I talk. We have spent the past ten days transferring the responsibility of orientation to her. Whenever Pamela talked to me, I went out of my way to turn my body to her so that we could have face-to-face communication. She now realizes that she needs to orient herself as well. Rather than have a specially framed activity to teach this, I waited for natural opportunities in real life:

• If Pamela started talking from another room, I ignored her until she walked into the room and established face-to-face with me.
• If I was in the middle of something (reading a book while sitting on the couch), I did not look up unless she tapped me on the shoulder.
• If I was in front of the computer or sink, I scaffolded her by taking a few steps back to give her maneuvering room. At first, I gently guided her with my arm until she had face-to-face contact.
• Occasionally, I turn away from her before the conversation and wait for her to orient in my direction.

She now understands her responsibility and, once I capture this in action on film and am satisfied with what I see, I plan to be more natural about it. In most interactions, both people work together to orient themselves and, to spotlight her responsibility, I have been unusually unresponsive!

Since Steve's schedule is so busy (major business meeting next week), I asked David to film Pamela and I shopping, which has scope for lots of face-to-face connection, disconnection, and reconnection. Being the easily embarrassed teen, he was less than thrilled. I thought providing him a better understanding might encourage him to step up. Our consultant told me yesterday that nobody in the RDI world has broken down receptive listening like we have. We are pioneering this aspect of this objective for others down the road. Because Pamela is so comfortable with gestures, we find it worthwhile to linger here for the moment to give her a wider range of communication. I told David that what he films will end up in the RDI computer system and these films will help other parents doing this same objective with their children down the road. To make an impression on David, I told him parents all over the world, in places like Singapore and Australia, are using RDI.

The shared understanding tactic worked! David's eyes widened when he realized the scope of what we do on a daily basis around here. He told me, "Okay, Mom! You've inspired me!"

Princess Dress--Ordered!

Click here for previous installment of the Princess Dress Diaries.

Last Tuesday, Pamela and I went back to the dress shop to place the order for a dress and two yards of material to make a little jacket to go with the dress. Pamela did very well in allowing the shop owner to measure her. The dress should arrive at the end of August--plenty of time for alterations. Once we have the dress fitted, we will head to the mall and purchase a comfortable, yet supportive bra that works with the straps. The next thing on my to-do list is to find a pair of flat shoes to go with the dress!

I do not believe in coincidences because I believe in God. So, I thanked God that this shop, in a town with population 4,025 (and a high rate of beauty pageant contestants), carried the exact dress (the black leftmost dress) in the exact color (grape) and the exact material (taffeta) we plan to order--only one size too small! Pamela tried on the dress, but I was not able to zip it completely. At least, the dress gave us an idea on how it will look on Pamela.

Click here for next installment of the Princess Dress Diaries.

Final RDA (Sixth One)

The final session in our RDA went very smoothly today. Even though I did not follow-through on the exact plan we mapped out last time, Pamela managed to accomplish what we needed. While I did seek opportunities to practice the points, nods, and gestures, she managed to transfer these abilities into real-life situations like when we chatted about the princess dress. Our consultant was very impressed at how quickly Pamela takes responsibility for applying new skills in real life. She asked me how we do it and, honestly, I have no clue! Apparently, it typically involves a four-step process for most children to own a new skill. All I can think is that, between her struggles with speech and her desire to communicate, she latches onto every nonverbal thing we show her.

Our consultant gave me a broad vision of what we will be doing in the next month or two. We are hoping for Pamela to discover how to be more declarative in her communication rather than imperative. Since she finds nonverbal communication easier, we focused on gestures. We determined that most of the time her gestures are also imperative (because that is how we have always communicated with Pamela--she picked up what we have modeled for years).

We focused on receptive gestures first--gestures people use as listeners to let others know whether or not they are listening and understanding. Just about any website on body language lists what constitutes attentive body language. Pamela already gives attentive eye contact because she references our facial expressions and body language to improve her understanding. First, we worked on pointing, nodding, and head shaking to tell me she was receiving and processing my communications. We also established Pamela has no problem showing me her lack of interest by walking away or changing the subject!

Now, I need to assess in a non-sedentary situation how well she orients to me if I am turned away from her. Pamela already knows to tap me on the shoulder, but I am not sure what she will do if I do not automatically turn to her. After that, we will work on the posturing skills of an active listener: leaning forward, tilting head, or furrowed brow.

If Pamela does not automatically transfers these skills, I may need to let her know how much body language helps me know if she understands or is confused. We will role play to see if she can tell if I am listening or tuning her out. Think about how often autism spectrum children turn people off by their long monologues. Part of the issue could be ignoring the body language of someone who is not listening.

Once she masters these steps, we can move onto expressive imperative, which Pamela has already aced, the the final piece, expressive declarative, which has five major components which our consultant will cover in our July phone call.

In case you are wondering what an RDA is . . . The RDA is an assessment collaboration between a consultant and parents (and actually child, if the child is at a higher stage) to figure out where children and parents are in the various stages and objectives, to set up a program and working relationship between all parties, and to select an objective and break it down. Our consultant did not follow the usual plan for us because after the first two sessions she knew we had several major pieces in place (master-apprentice and co-regulation). She also reads my blog and knew that I have a working knowledge of RDI.

Before the RDA, our consultant collects background information through paper work and conversations with the parents to assess commitment to working with their child and understanding of RDI principles. Typically, consultants and parents proceed along this six-step path:

Session 1: Film each parent interacting with the child according to RDA-1, basically a set of playful activities under various frameworks (verbal, no words, etc.).

Session 2: Having viewed footage collected in session 1, the consultant develops hypotheses about the child's abilities and then tests them out during this session.

Session 3: The consultant debriefs the parents on the information gathered and explains guiding principles of RDI.

Session 4: The consultant coaches the parents in guiding the child to practice important components of the RDI lifestyle.

Session 5: The consultant and parents discuss goals, objectives and strategies for an RDI program, discuss how to implement and modify goals as needed, address any potential obstacles, and identify potential strategies to overcome them. They focus on the working relationship between the consultant and parents, too.

Session 6: The consultant coaches the parents in guiding the child on the specifics discussed in the previous session, so they can make any revisions. The consultant outlines the overarching goals for the next few months.

Princess Dress Diaries and Pretty Sandwiches

This is the first installment of the Princess Dress Diaries.

One thing I love about RDI is how you can turn almost anything into working on objectives. The key is how to frame the activity and figure out roles. . . .

Last Thursday, I blogged about how squeezed I am for time right now. One thing after another seems to be popping into my schedule, making me feel sandwiched between one deadline or another. I scheduled our sixth and final RDA for Monday and had no video to show for myself! I am also wrapping up my article for ChildLightUSA due on Tuesday.

Yesterday, before lunch, Pamela and I made a run to the formal dress shop in town--a new experience for Pamela as she has not worn a dress in about eight years! Pamela's cousin is getting married in September and hopes Pamela will enjoy playing a little part in her special day. Since being a member of the bridal party may be too much pressure, she can hand out brochures about the chapel to the visitors (a wonderful assembly line pattern to help Pamela stay regulated). She gets to pick out a dress, dubbed the princess dress to fire Pamela's imagination for the role. Like all of the bridesmaids, she can wear a grape-colored taffeta dress in a style of her choosing. The picture to the left shows the correct color and material. Pamela has many choices in style: straps or strapless, belt or beltess, and even length if it became a major issue for her. You can see the possibilities below!

Before leaving for the shop, I filmed us talking about the dresses. First, I hoped it would prepare her for the visit. Second, I wanted to collect some footage for our consultant. The funny thing is that, during the interaction, I felt a little frustrated because Pamela kept wanting to end the conversation before we had covered everything. I was NOT paying attention to all of her wonderful gestures, which was the WHOLE POINT of the activity. Pamela was getting frustrated with me about three minutes into the clip. A body language expert would pick up my annoyance when I crossed my arms. The wonderful thing is how Pamela realizes she must concentrate! WOW! I loved that insight into her understanding of a thinking process. That is why videotaping interactions can be so enlightening! The clip below shows our little chat:


After lunch, while I tapping out my thoughts on the computer, I took a phone call from someone from my church. An elderly gentleman in our church died last week and the food committee asked me to make ham and cheese and/or pimento cheese spread sandwiches for the funeral to be held Sunday. Why sandwiches? Well, I suspect my reputation as a culinary expert must have preceeded me! As I had not viewed our footage from the princess dress diaries and thought it lacking, I decided to film Pamela and I making two loaves of sandwiches for the funeral.

Today, we spent about twenty minutes today slapping together our contribution for the church. Whether or not we needed video for our consultant, I was so glad to have company while putting together the spread! By the way, I can already guess what my consultant is going to tell me . . .

TALK LESS! BLOG MORE!

Click here for next installment of the Princess Dress Diaries.

Sweet Moments in the Midst of a Storm

A severe storm just blew through town. As the sun set, the cloud-covered sky became more grayish-green than usual. Suddenly, the wind blew through the trees and, before long, brilliant streaks of lightning lit up the sky. Crashing thunder and pelting raindrops disrupted Pamela's plans to watch DVDs in her room.

Rather than freaking out into meltdown city, Pamela walked into the office where we watch television (yes, lots of work gets done in the "office"--LOL). She sat down next to me and sadly told me she couldn't watch DVDs. I told her that we still have power and that her DVD player should work. She repeated that she couldn't watch DVDs. I asked why and she said, "It's the raindrops." I still didn't understand, and she said, "Too loud." I guess the storm was interrupting her viewing pleasure. Pamela did not ask me to fix anything or help her out; she was simply sharing her sadness.

Then, I told her about weather.com, and we checked the hour-by-hour weather report. We figured out that tomorrow morning will be the most storm-free time of the day. She stayed with me, and, as the storm began to let up, she started to cheer up, "It's almost over." I gave her my opinion as did David. I pointed out that we all agreed about the storm being almost over.

Pamela got up abruptly and left the room. She returned with a little toy of some cartoon duck unfamiliar to me. She came up to me, put it near my face, and asked, "What's this?" I said, "A duck. But, I don't know its name." She said, "It's a brown skating duck." I added, "How fun! It likes to skate."

She sat down on the floor and played with it. It was one of those windup toys that scoots along the floor. She got it going and, after it crashed, said, "Uh-oh, broken leg!" So, I played along, "Poor brown duck!" She did it again only this time she informed me that the duck scraped its knee.

I asked, "Can I kiss the duck?" Pamela stood up and kissed it. Then, I said, "I want to kiss the duck." She brought it over for me to kiss.

This whole interaction lasted about 10 minutes, much longer than her typical hit and run interactions!

P.S. Just now, Pamela returned to her spot next to me on the couch. She began channel surfing. She asked me about Independence Day, and I told her that it was a movie about spaceships and aliens. She shook her head and said, "No. The fourth." She chuckled when I explained, "I thought you were talking about the movie. You were talking about a holiday."

She tried to get me on the Pamela Express by saying, "Yo-yo!" I decided to misunderstand her intentionally and said, "That's what you call people who are being silly." She shook her head and I said, "If someone is silly, you can call them a yo-yo." She laughed.

Conference? What Conference?

Skip to the end if you want to know more about this flashback to the '70s!

You may be wondering how the Charlotte Mason Conference went because I have remained absolutely silent. It was FANTASTIC but I have had so little downtime I have not been able to blog about it. I will blog it as soon as I find time to process and reflect!

Why so busy? I returned Saturday night (June 14) and got up for church Sunday morning. I spent the rest of the day relaxing and catching up with David and Pamela.

While we Steve and I were gone, David was man of the house and took care of watering the yard, plants, ferns, and trees and feeding the pets. Pamela stayed with my parents who live across the street and furnished delicious meals for David. Where was Steve? He was supposed to leave for Ecuador on a business trip the same day I left for the conference (June 10). His flight was canceled, and he ended up attending the meeting via video conference. Rather than confuse Pamela with a last minute change of plans, they never told her that he was still home. Confused yet? He flew to Guatemala on Friday (June 13) for a niece's wedding (June 14) while I was still in Boiling Springs.

Both of my parents observed how much better Pamela processes what they say and how well she participates in back and forth exchanges. My mother shared a wonderful story about Pamela that spotlights the power of episodic memory. As you already know, she does not like changes in schedule and will fuss (hence the reason for staying mum on Steve's change of plans). If I promise to take her to the store and have to change the plan to another day, she sometimes fusses and tells me, "You broke a promise." My mother went to the dentist and had promised to take Pamela to Wal-Mart. The dentist visit turned out to be more draining than Mom had anticipated. Mom came home with a poochie cheek and mouth full of gauze. She told Pamela that they would go to Wal-Mart the next day.

Normally, Pamela would cry and become flustered in a situation like that. However, she did not fuss; she did not complain; she did not talk back; she remained absolutely calm about this sudden and abrupt change of plans. I really think she reflected back to how miserable she was when she had her wisdom teeth removed a few years ago. Pamela took three weeks to get back to herself because she found it so traumatic. She still talks about the misery of it from time to time. I think she had sympathy for how my mother felt and let her desire to shop go without a peep.

So back to my crazy week! Sunday night (June 14), I wrote one lesson plan for VBS and spent three hours at church on Monday. I unpacked and managed a week's worth of laundry for the three of us for the rest of Monday. On Tuesday, the day Steve was supposed to come home, I spent only twenty minutes at jury duty because the defendants never appeared at traffic court. Steve called and alerted me to a sudden change of plans to fly to Chile for an important business meeting. He had no time to drive home and back, so I packed winter business clothes for him and Pamela and I drove the three hour round trip to the airport and watched Steve repack at baggage claim. Exciting, huh?

Tuesday night, a friend of a friend called to ask me about RDI (and I am happy to help any family get started on that journey) so I did not tackle Wednesday's VBS lesson plan until 10:30 Tuesday night. I apent another three hours at VBS and thoroughly enjoyed teaching the children on Wednesday then unpacked Steve's bags and did a week's worth of his laundry! I spent Thursday cleaning the house and meeting with the friend of a friend interested in RDI.

The kids and I finally got around to doing some academics on Friday when one of David's out-of-town friends came over to visit. Before I knew it, they sprung an impromptu sleepover on me, but I was fine with that. The next morning, I woke up at zero dark thirty to drive three hours one-way to a meeting with Dr. Gutstein, our consultant and other families--yes, it was worth the drive. Steve came home while I was out and, when I arrived home, I finally saw him after nearly two weeks apart! The next morning I woke up early to attend both services because our trio was singing Beautiful Savior. We relaxed but did squeeze in one of the RDI E-learning modules. Monday, we did some more academics, and I unpacked Steve's bag and cycled through more laundry (it is starting to sound monotonous).

Is this week any less busy? No, but I have great reasons why . . . my best friend from high school and her husband and 15 month-old daughter are vacationing in Charleston. We got together for typical touristy things like Fort Sumter and Cypress Gardens. I will blog more on that later . . . oh, yeah, and I am writing an article for ChildLightUSA's The Review due July 1 in between engagements.

P.S. Speaking of engagements, Pamela and I are going dress shopping for my niece's wedding. She wants all of her female cousins to play a role in the wedding, primarily bride's maids. As that would be too much for Pamela, she lovingly thought of a part for Pamela: hand out little brochures that explain the history of the beautiful, old chapel where the ceremony will take place. That way, Pamela can participate at a level that does not overwhelm her. She has not worn dresses in years so buying what I am calling a "Princess dress" is going to be quite an experience.

Another Twaddle-Free VBS Lesson

Wednesday (and last Monday), I shared another twaddle-free VBS lesson following the guidelines of Charlotte Mason. This time, I taught Jesus' parable of the unmerciful servant. I struggled with one dilemma for the older students in 3rd through 6th grade: do I leave out the ending, the uncomfortable verses in which the king sends the unmerciful servant to the torturers? If I left them out, I would not be telling the class the whole truth. If I kept them, I might place a huge burden on their hearts if they are struggling to forgive for any reason.

Fortunately, I had taught this same lesson to my adult Sunday school class a month ago and had already wrestled with these issues. I decided to share the whole truth and give the class insight on how Corrie Ten Boom handled having to forgive the unforgivable. Corrie's experience could reassure them that forgiveness from the heart is possible when we call on Jesus for help.

The lessons I wrote are below, and again the children made connections. One critical element of writing a lesson a la Charlotte Mason is to help them understand context. With both the older and younger classes, I focused them on the meaning of forgiveness in their lives by asking them if they ever made their parents angry more than three times a day, seven times a day, etc. Children came up with all kinds of numbers. Then, I explained that Peter wanted to know how many times we should forgive a person because rabbis were teaching that three is enough. But in the context of their lives, all of the children found three and even seven insufficient. Some thought that a thousand might work!

The other important element of the story is expressing the amount of forgiveness. With the older children, I explained that a denarius equals one day's worth of wages. To make the numbers easy, I told them I assumed that, by today's standards, a person could earn $100 a day. I told them one person in the parable owed 100 denarii, which equals $10,000 today. I even showed them a denarius from Jesus' day (the head on the coin is the emperor Tiberius who ruled Rome at this time in history).

When I saw the eyes widen in amazement, I explained talents. I asked them if billion dollar bills existed. They shook their heads no, so I told them a talent was like that. It was a number so big that it was a calculation, not a coin. A talent equals 15 years of work, so the other person owed 10,000 talents, which equals $6,000,000,000,000. Then, their eyes became really wide. Some whistled, while one student said the person could never pay it back while another said Bill Gates. I loved all of these comments because it told me that they were thinking and their minds were prepared to hear the parable.

After I read the entire parable to the older children, I asked them what they thought of the part about the torturers. They were pretty quiet. Then, I explained that sometimes it feels impossible to forgive someone who has something very terrible. But, we are not alone and we can turn to Jesus for help. I read to them the following excerpt from Tramp for the Lord.

It was in a church in Munich that I saw him, a balding heavy-set man in a gray overcoat, a brown felt hat clutched between his hands. People were filing out of the basement room where I had just spoken. It was 1947 and I had come from Holland to defeated Germany with the message that God forgives. . .

And that's when I saw him, working his way forward against the others. One moment I saw the overcoat and the brown hat; the next, a blue uniform and a visored cap with its skull and crossbones. It came back with a rush: the huge room with its harsh overhead lights, the pathetic pile of dresses and shoes in the center of the floor, the shame of walking naked past this man. I could see my sister's frail form ahead of me, ribs sharp beneath the parchment skin. Betsie, how thin you were!

Betsie and I had been arrested for concealing Jews in our home during the Nazi occupation of Holland; this man had been a guard at Ravensbruck concentration camp where we were sent. ...

"You mentioned Ravensbruck in your talk," he was saying. "I was a guard in there." No, he did not remember me.

"But since that time," he went on, "I have become a Christian. I know that God has forgiven me for the cruel things I did there, but I would like to hear it from your lips as well. Fraulein, . . ." his hand came out, . . . "will you forgive me?"

And I stood there — I whose sins had every day to be forgiven — and could not. Betsie had died in that place — could he erase her slow terrible death simply for the asking?

It could not have been many seconds that he stood there, hand held out, but to me it seemed hours as I wrestled with the most difficult thing I had ever had to do.

For I had to do it — I knew that. The message that God forgives has a prior condition: that we forgive those who have injured us. "If you do not forgive men their trespasses," Jesus says, "neither will your Father in heaven forgive your trespasses. . ."

And still I stood there with the coldness clutching my heart. But forgiveness is not an emotion — I knew that too. Forgiveness is an act of the will, and the will can function regardless of the temperature of the heart. "Jesus, help me!" I prayed silently. "I can lift my hand, I can do that much. You supply the feeling."

And so woodenly, mechanically, I thrust my hand into the one stretched out to me. And as I did, an incredible thing took place. The current started in my shoulder, raced down my arm, sprang into our joined hands. And then this healing warmth seemed to flood my whole being, bringing tears to my eyes.

"I forgive you, brother!" I cried. "With all my heart!"

For a long moment we grasped each other's hands, the former guard and the former prisoner. I had never known God's love so intensely as I did then.

The children were very thoughtful as they left the room. One child asked me if there was a movie about this. I recommended The Hiding Place to her. I was chatting with the 3rd-4th grade teacher who has them after the scripture reading. She told me that they always know all of the answers to follow-up questions she has about what they learned. How exciting to know that living stories really do stick with them!

With the younger children, I scaffolded them even more because they were probably not ready to absorb big numbers and foreign money, much less familiar money. So, I showed them the grid below (about 9" x 7" in area) and told them that I would need 100 copies of the grid below to express the amount of forgiveness the king gave the first servant. As I talked about the king forgiving the debt, I ripped up the grid and threw it in the trash. Then, when I talked about the debt of the second servant, I showed that teeny tiny little block in the bottom, right corner of the picture below. It was hard to see and all of the little ones crowded around because they had to see how tiny it was. I did leave out the last two verses because of their age. I believe many got the concrete illustration I used because they said they thought the king would be sad because the servant did not forgive the other servant for the teeny, tiny debt.



As always the little ones were wiggly, but that does not bother me. Children that age ought to be enjoying the outdoor life, so I figure what ever attention they can spare is good enough for me. One child, the grandson of a friend, surprised his grandmother with what he remembered. Now, every time he gets angry at her, he says aloud, "Uh-oh, I know I need to forgive you. Where's a piece of paper?" Then, he rips up the paper and tells her, "I forgive you!" It just goes to show that living stories make an impact on children, regardless of how much they wiggle and waggle.

Subject: Literature and History
Time: 15 minutes

Objective:
1. Interest the children in Jesus’ parable about the unmerciful servant so that they may not forget it.
2. Inspire the children to think about how much Jesus wanted us to forgive.
3. Let them know that asking the Holy Spirit for help is the key to forgiveness.

Material (Thank You Google Image Search):
1. Photographs of a denarius and stained glass windows depicting two scenes
2. Picture of a woodcarving of a third scene
3. Representation of money owed (pieces of paper)
4. Two strips representing the two amounts of money
5. Grid with six thousand tiny squares
6. One tiny square

Lesson for 3rd-4th and 5th-6th Grades:
Step 1. Explain to the children the two kinds of money mentioned. Show and pass out the picture of the denarius and today's equivalent. Pass out the strip representing talents.

Step 2. Ask the children how often they make their parents angry. Is forgiving three times enough? Seven times? Tell them what Peter learned about forgiveness from the other teachers.

Step 3. Hand out the pictures to children. Ask them to form small groups, one picture per group. Let them study the pictures and talk about them for a minute.

Step 4. Before reading the Bible, tell the children that they are to pass the picture just described when I pause. Read Matthew 18:21-35, pausing for the scenes in each picture.

Step 5. Wait for them to comment and ask thoughtful questions, feeding off their comments.

Step 6. Ask them what they thought of the part about the jailer. Read the passages written by Corrie Ten Boom about how the Holy Spirit helped her forgive the concentration camp guard.

Lesson for K-3/4/5 and 1st-2nd Grades:
Step 1. Ask the children how often they make their parents angry. Is forgiving three times enough? Seven times? Tell them what Peter learned about forgiveness from the other teachers.

Step 2. Explain to them that Jesus loved stories. One day Peter wanted to know how many times we should forgive a person. He told His answer through a story.

Step 3. Orally narrate Matthew 18:21-24. Tell them about the king and the servant and show them the grid with 6,000 tiny squares. Tell them that if I had a hundred copies of the grid that is how much the King needed forgive the servant. What could the servant do to be forgiven?

Step 4. Orally narrate Matthew 18:25-27. Rip up the paper and throw it in the trash to signify the canceled debt.

Step 5. Tell them about the servant and his friend who needed to be forgiven. Show them the tiny block paper which represents how much forgiveness he needed. Should the servant forgive the friend?

Step 6. Orally narrate Matthew 18:28-33. Ask them how they think the king felt about the servant who could not forgive.

Charlotte Mason WORKS

Late Saturday night, I made it home from the Charlotte Mason Conference and have had not had anytime to breathe, much less blog. Why? My church asked me to be the "storyteller" for Vacation Bible School today and Wednesday. The program they selected is Beach Party: Surfin' through the Scriptures. When I previewed the lesson from the Bible Storyteller Book, my stomach lurched because it included a script with actors, props, and sound effects--definitely not my cup of tea! I called the VBS coordinator, and she told me all we had time for was the simplified story version in the back of the manual. Hmmm . . . I have to do a short lesson from a living book . . .

Suddenly, the rebellious, subversive part of the brain that told me to homeschool my kids and do whacko things like the gluten-free, casein-free diet kicked in. The Bible is the most popular living book of all time! I decided to be brave and write a lesson plan using the actual text of Judges 6:36-7:21 as my guideline. Yes, a bona fide lesson plan in the spirit of Charlotte Mason, keeping in mind the daily narration lesson design "Is Sequencing and Ordering the Curriculum Important for Scaffolding Learning?" covered in the article in the Winter 2007 issue of The Review.

The first thing I did was consult the sample lessons in Appendix V of School Education by Charlotte Mason and Carroll Smith's ideas on how to scaffold a lesson. I turned to Volume 3 pages 238 through 239 for the Old Testament example. The first challenge was that I was planning a lesson for four different classes and would have to scaffold each one differently: K-3/4/5, 1st-2nd grades, 3rd-4th grades, and 5th-6th grades. While I lacked a shared understanding with the class, I tried to imagine what children in each age group might already know. I also had to keep in mind that children take time to adjust to oral narration so I decided to find other ways to reproduce what they are learning. If I taught these children year-round, my goal would be to teach them to narrate. I have enough sense to know two days does not a narrator make.

How did it go? TERRIFIC! Charlotte Mason WORKS!!!!!

The oldest class made wonderful connections such as the 300 remaining men made them think of 300, which is an R-rated movie based on the wonderful story of Leonidas and his 300 Spartans guarding the pass at Thermopylae to slow down the Persian army. They also chuckled at the chain link fence in the picture that represented the dry fleece. I thanked them for pointing it out because I knew that meant they were thinking. The 3rd-4th graders noted that trusting God helps you to obey Him. The 1st-2nd graders could not believe that Gideon's army won even though they only had trumpets and jars. Five or six told me that the story of Gideon was great--they just loved it--I could see it in their bright, eager eyes. Even the rowdiest bunch, the youngest class, gave thoughtful responses that we should obey God just like we should obey our mothers, fathers, and grandparents.

Here is my lesson plan:

Subject: History
Time: 15 minutes

Objective:
1. Interest the children in the story of Gideon and his trumpet so that they may not forget it.
2. Give them an admiration for Gideon as one who trusted in God and obeyed Him.

Material (Thank You Google Image Search):
1. 8" x 10" photographs of a shorn sheep and fleece
2. 8" x 10" printed pictures from the story of Gideon

Lesson for 3rd-4th and 5th-6th Grades:
Step 1. Ask the children if they know what fleece is. Respond to their answers and show this photograph of a shorn sheep.

Step 2. Since most children know the story of David and Goliath, emphasize the physical weakness of Gideon's character. Point out that Gideon lived before David was born and had no knowledge of that story to give him courage. Let them know the reason for Gideon's fleece test was that he did not understand why God picked a weak person to lead the army.

Step 3. Briefly describe the situation with the opposing forces, the Midians. Point to the camp represented in the mural on the classroom wall and the rocks surrounding it.

Step 4. Hand out the five pictures to children. Ask them to form small groups, one picture per group. Let them study the pictures and talk about them for a minute.


Step 5. Before reading the Bible, tell the children that they are to pass the picture just described when I pause. Read Judges 6:36-7:21, pausing for the scenes in each picture. Point to the mural for the scenes involving the camp.

Step 6. Have the children tell what the theme obedience has to do with the story of Gideon.

Lesson for K-3/4/5 and 1st-2nd Grades:
Step 1. (K-3/4/5 Only: Lead the children in singing "Mary Had a Little Lamb" and have them stop at "its fleece was white as snow.") Ask the children if they know what fleece is. Respond to their answers and show this photograph of a shorn sheep and the fleece.

Step 2. Since most children know the story of David and Goliath, emphasize the physical weakness of Gideon's character. Point out that Gideon lived before David was born and had no knowledge of that story to give him courage. Let them know the reason for Gideon's fleece test was that he did not understand why God picked a weak person to lead the army.

Step 3. Briefly describe the situation with the opposing forces, the Midians. Point to the camp represented in the mural on the classroom wall and the rocks surrounding it.

Step 4. Orally narrate Judges 6:36-7:9. After telling the wet fleece versus dry ground, ask them if they would have obeyed God. Then, have them anticipate the next test by telling it is the opposite of the first. Have them anticipate whether or not God wants a bigger or smaller army. Have them stand up and act out the downsizing of the army by having the children on the green rug represent the terrified soldiers and all but three sit down after the water test.

Step 5. Orally narrate Judges 7:15-7:21. Before telling the final scene, set the stage by pointing to the mural and showing where the Gideon's army will be standing. Have them anticipate what kind of weapons they will need. Surprise them with the answer trumpets and jars. Wrap up the scene with Gideon's tactic and have them anticipate how the Midian army reacted.

Step 6. Have the children tell what the theme obedience has to do with the story of Gideon.

RDA 5: Broadening the Frame

Blogging to you from Boiling Springs, NC, the day of the kick-off to the Charlotte Mason Conference . . .

Monday, we did the fifth RDA appointment (think assessment) with our consultant by phone. In fourth RDA appointment, we identified our objective, "Use pointing, nods, and head shakes to share what Pamela sees." We hope Pamela will discover that she has valuable observations to share with us, like the crunchy magnolia leaf from last week's walk. For her to make that discovery, we built a very tight frame around the activity, nature walks. The frame had to be tight enough to help her feel competent in her role as the initiator of communication between us. I think we started out with a tight enough frame because Pamela knew exactly what to do and showed much confidence on our walks. I also think the objective was not too easy because, whenever we walked home from the park, we would take turns pointing out anything to each other. Without a frame, Pamela did not know what she should share and waited for me to slow down my pace or shut down and then wildly pointed to anything that would make me happy.

Now that Pamela is ready for more challenge we can loosen up the frame of the walk. We started out with choosing very concrete things to spot: trees, cars, birds, flowers, chimneys, etc. Everything we chose were nouns because Pamela's first words were mainly nouns. In this phase of the plan, we will focus on attributes: colors, sounds (loud or quiet), size, silly things, things that fly, etc.

We will increase the level of thinking too. Before, we used to make a list of what we might see before we left the house. Now, we will make the list as we go! If Pamela struggles with the transition to attributes instead of nouns, I can always tight up this part of the frame by making a list before we leave. I think she will be able to handle this variation. Once Pamela masters this phase, we will pick more nebulous attributes like weird, unusual, interesting, etc. In real life, we do not call joint attention to every little thing, but to something unique and different.

Some elements of our walks will not change. She will be the observer, and I will be the recorder of what we observe. We will still spotlight the importance of our work through math lessons the next day.

Then, our consultant asked me if Pamela found anything so interesting that she would enjoy being the initiator of communications. Pamela's interest in sorting and bagging pictures came to mind. This admission may shatter any credibility I have with my scrapbooking friends, but I am one of those people with tons and tons of disorganized photos in shoeboxes. Chin up! I have a feeling Pamela force me into getting a scrapbook makeover as we work on episodic memory. Let me bask in chaos a little longer . . .

We came up with the idea of picture sorts. Pamela will grab a fistful of photos and I will too. Then we will each pull out some that interest us. Pamela, who loves geography, might pick photos from our two years in the Shumagin Islands, while I might pick pictures of Steve. When finished sorting, we can go through Pamela's selections and she can point to what caught her attention. Then I can show her my photos and point out what caught my eye.

The other big tip which our consultant tells all of her families . . .

TALK LESS!!!!

SHHHH!!!!

BLAB LESS! BLOG MORE!

MAKE BLOGS, NOT TALK!


Ahhh . . . the sound of silence . . .

Red Discovery Book

I have a cute story about Pamela that illustrates two things: how her challenges with word retrieval still crop up and how delayed delayed echolalia can be. Pamela comes running downstairs, ranting about her missing red discovery book.

She fusses and asks, "Where's my red discovery book?"

I ask back, "Do you mean the atlas?"

She answers, "No. Somebody stole it. Thief!" When her younger brother David misplaced things as a little boy, he would complain loudly about thieves stealing his stuff. Personally, I think he got it from Gollum when he lost his precious ring. Of course, David stopped saying that about TWO YEARS AGO!!!

I ask her, "Did you look in David's room?"

She says emphatically, "I searched everywhere!" More delayed echolalia. When David was on his thief rant TWO YEARS AGO, I would ask him about all the places where the lost (not stolen) item could be. He has the same gene as my father and my husband that prevents him from finding stuff right in front of his face. My mother had this saying, "If it had been a snake, you'd be dead right now!" I use that line often!

I began to wonder if the red discovery book could be our beat-up, very much used and abused Merriam-Webster Dictionary. First, I checked the homeschool room, then David's bookshelves, desk, and finally drawers. I found the dictionary and asked, "Is this your red discovery book?"



Bingo! She beamed! I did not explain to her that it was a dictionary. She knows that word and has known it for years. It was not at the tip of her tongue at that moment because of her aphasia. Besides, I like "red discovery book" better.

This was another opportunity to practice self-regulation. What is self-regulation? Well, self-regulation is when you are writing the third and final presentation due next week and you do not let loose colorful words out of your mouth after realizing that you deleted half of the second to write the third and saved it BEFORE you renamed it!

Clunk! (The sound of my jaw dropping.)

Our kids see everything we do and this was a great example of self-regulation modeled for them. David overheard me say, "Oh, no!" when I realized my stupid mistake.

"What?" he asked worriedly.

"You're not going to believe what I just did."

"What?" he asked again.

After I explained to him my dilemma, he knew what a monumental blunder I had just made and he started gasping for my sake.

Self-regulation is staying calm and dignified because you recognize that you still have the whole weekend to work . . . Relief flooding into your body when you remember that you already have all the wording in a handout that is still saved and ready for cutting and pasting. . . Perspiration ceasing when you take the print out of the last draft of the presentation of the trash can next to the desk.

Once I started breathing again, I told him very calmly and without four-letter words I might add, "Don't worry! I still have time plus I can copy the wording from my handout. And, I have a print out of all the slides right here!"

And, do you know what is really cool? I CAN USE THIS EXAMPLE OF SELF-REGULATION IN ONE OF MY PRESENTATIONS . . .

Yep, there really is a silver lining in every cloud . . .